Through Pain Comes Great Strength

On Sunday morning I wanted to watch something a little longer to  possibly  clear more than 1% disc space on the DVR.  I decided to watch something a little less educational, Dad's in Heaven with Nixon.  Wow.  This was simply put, a great film.  It is the story of a the struggle and survival of the Murray family of New York.   It was advertised as a story about the enduring love of a mother for her autistic child.    It was so much more than that. 

Chris Murray, the filmmaker's youngest brother, suffered oxygen deprivation at birth and did not hit the normal childhood milestones. Born in 1960, the medical world was not friendly to Chris.  As a child, he was not diagnosed with autism.  The doctors and psychiatrists constantly told his mother that he should be in an institution; that he had no hope of a normal life.  The more she was told, the more determined she was to see Chris succeed.

A great deal of the film was spent on the emotional struggles of the grandfather and father.  Both clearly struggled with what we now call bipolar disorder.  The grandfather was an alcoholic who had a very poor relationship with his youngest son, the filmmaker's father.  He felt his father hated him and often felt rejected by him.  In the end, this disorder caused the filmmakers family to lose everything, endure divorce, and even lose their father at an early age. 

Everything that their father was made the family weak, but  Chris' disability made them strong.  Chris has a simple appreciation for life and has taught his family so much about the nature of love, life, and the world around them.  Left confused and empty by their father, I feel Chris filled a void.  Chris could definitely feel that his father could not connect with him.  In his desire for that closeness, he developed an almost mystical ideal of his father after death. 

We often think of things in such a logical, linear, scientific way.  Your son is autistic. Look at the awesome  struggle you will face.  This family used Chris to be closer together. They pooled their energy into making him succeed.  Their father's distress had such a deep impact on all of them, but Chris softened the blow.  Things happen for a reason. 

Chris lives on his own, holds two part time jobs, and became a successful painter after the death of his father.  The Long Island drowning at the spot where the family used to spend summers sparked a desire in Chris to start paining.  Through his art, he has grown.  It seems his father's weakness has always brought him strength, though usually indirectly.  In turn, his strength has held up the family over a dark cloud, allowing them to always see the sun.